“You watched them all over again?” a number of friends asked this week.
“Yes, I did” I would say sadly.
“Why?”
The idea of being a completest means nothing in this world. With so much stuff to absorb, being able to say “I did it all,” rings like a broken bell in an empty field. You do it for yourself or no one at all. I will not win any awards for watching every Resident Evil film, most people didn’t even know I was doing it. There’s thousands upon thousands of websites that have done the same thing. I haven’t had anything to say that someone else has said before.
The grave given to me for watching all of them.
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is more of the same. The same bland lead, the same nonsense story, and the same monster recycled from the previous films. Well, there’s a slight difference. Where the previous films had slowly paced action scenes to allow you to soak in the 3D, this one decides to edit them to the point of gibberish. Three cuts a second at least! And I enjoyed it. It was a welcome change from everything that had come before, even though it made things incredibly difficult to follow at times. For example, you can’t have a battle, in the pitch black, with a dozen characters we can’t differentiate and have three cuts per second. It won’t make any sense.
The FINAL CHAPTER (oh, fuck off with that subtitle) is another bunch of pointless scenes ripped off from other movies. There’s a little FURY ROAD, a little generic castle siege film (poorly done for zero reasons), a little ROBOCOP, and even some Guy Ritchie SHERLOCK HOLMES. Does Paul W.S Anderson have a really delayed film watching schedule?
It doesn’t even have the conviction to end the series on a note of finality. NOPE! It ends with Alice saving the world, but telling us in voice over that “It ain’t over yet!” and riding off to fight some more generic monsters in the wasteland.
I had fun with it. The people that saw it with me found it tediously action packed. There’s a bunch of new characters introduced. None of them matter and they don’t do anything.
What have I learned watching all the Resident Evil films?
Nothing.
That’s it. I’m done. I don’t have to write about the Resident Evil films anymore. I’m going to go read a book.
